Kaare: “I thought the problems would die together with my dad”

“Already when I was little, there was some unusual behavior. When my mom worked night shifts, my dad would be home, but the other days, he came home late after going to the pub. I remember thinking that it was unpleasant to have to go to bed before he came home.”

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“Once in a while, I would go to the pub with him, when we were out shopping. After shopping, we’d go to the pub. I had apple juice, and he had beer. It might sound crazy, but it was really nice.”

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“The fact that my dad drank was never really a taboo subject in our little family. My mom always told my sister and me that it wasn’t our fault that our dad drank. Pretty early on, she suggested that we get help from TUBA. It seemed to me like she was making a big deal out of nothing. I could handle it myself. No problem.”

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“Once in a while, I would go to the pub with him, when we were out shopping. After shopping, we’d go to the pub. I had apple juice, and he had beer.”

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“When you find out that it isn’t normal for your dad to drink that much, you try to hide it. I didn’t bring friends home. I would always ask them first if we could go to their houses. After all, you can’t run into your drunk dad at your friends’ houses.”

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“My mom left my dad after an extended period of me and my sister working to convince her, when I was 14 or 15. After that, my relationship with my dad became really chaotic. I didn’t see him for the last few years of his life. It was too draining. My sister declined to have any contact with him. I just didn’t do anything to see him.”

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“A year and a half ago, the police contacted me to tell me my dad had died. I had this idea that when he died, the problems would die with him. But they cropped up in other places. That’s when I got in touch with TUBA after all.”

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“Talking to a stranger that asks so many detailed questions is a strange, kind of amusing experience. In the beginning, it was tiring. It drains your energy. But it’s been great to unload it all like that. It’s been really rewarding.”

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“I’ve discovered that some of the behavior patterns I have come from my childhood. I’ve had a hard time saying no. I got the ‘pleaser gene.’ As a child, I also tried to sweep all the problems out of the way so my dad wouldn’t be angry. I’ve put some of those habits back on the shelf.”

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“For me, it means a lot that having drunk is not my dad’s only legacy. I’m proud of the person he was and what he accomplished. He was a gracious person. An excellent teacher, respected for his work. Being sick and drinking a lot can happen to anyone. There’s more to a person than their drunkenness.”

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“I take exception to the alcohol culture we have here in Denmark. There’s nothing wrong with having a beer, but it gets out of control.”

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“I pretty much never get drunk. I don’t care for drunk people and the derangement they bring with them. I like for people to drink appropriately. It makes my stomach turn to see people who are too drunk. I take exception to the alcohol culture we have here in Denmark. There’s nothing wrong with having a beer, but it gets out of control. The alcohol culture is so prominent.”

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“One of the reasons I want to tell my story is because I want to eliminate the taboo that surrounds it. There’s a tendency to expect people, especially men, to put on a mask and say that everything’s alright. It’s like only women are allowed to talk about their problems. But you can absolutely talk about the feelings you get when your dad drinks too much.”