Mark: “I was always afraid I would make my dad angry”

“I’ve never lived together with my dad. I lived with my mom and stepdad, and the plan was that I would stay with my dad on the weekends. But that generally went right out the window. He’d start drinking, and he’d never come to pick me up. That was hard for a six-year-old who was looking forward to seeing his dad.”

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“When I was together with my dad, I was always afraid that I would do something wrong, give a wrong answer, make him mad. He didn’t scream and shout, but he’d find subtle ways to insult you. He’d suggest that you weren’t good enough, that you couldn’t do anything right. That you didn’t appreciate everything he had done for you. One time, he made me feel guilty about him having bought the premium TV package. He said the only reason he had a landline was to be able to get a hold of me. So it was my fault that he had to pay for the phone and the TV. That got to me. I was eight or nine years old.”

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“What stands out to me the most is how he would promise something and then not follow through. That’s what has affected me the most.”

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“Later, I was with him at the pub. From 10 A.M. on Saturday, then back home at 7 P.M. Those were actually the best times I spent with him. It turned out that if I just kept quiet and calm, there were no problems.”

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“What stands out to me the most is how he would promise something and then not follow through. That’s what has affected me the most — my ability to trust other people.”

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“I had problems at school, so I contacted a psychotherapist who mentioned TUBA to me. I thought, ‘Yeah, yeah, that’s all very nice, I’m sure,’ but I didn’t really believe it. But then, I came in for an initial session, and I discovered how good it was to be able to talk to other people in the same boat. People who have experienced the same things, so you don’t feel like you’re wrong. There are other people who have been through even worse things.”

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“Today, I’m in touch with my dad on and off. I talk to him once a week for ten minutes. We always talk about the same things. I lie to him. I don’t want him in my life. He’s really focused on making sure things are good for me, so I always tell him I’m doing fine, regardless of how I actually am. I don’t have it in me to deal with his mistaken love.”

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“I always tell him I’m doing fine, regardless of how I actually am. I don’t have it in me to deal with his mistaken love.”

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“TUBA has allowed me to accept myself. I’ve discovered that the thoughts I have don’t necessarily mean that I’m some kind of idiot. I have a lot of the thoughts I have because of things I went through in the past. And I’ve learned that it isn’t too late to change things. I used to think that once you were an adult, that was it. But my sessions at TUBA have gotten me to think that it’s never too late to do something about it.”

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“I’m more at peace with myself today. A year ago, I didn’t dare to tell people what I thought. If other people wanted coffee and I wanted tea, I’d drink coffee. Because I didn’t want to go against them. I didn’t dare to stand by who I am. Today, I do.”