Rikke: “I learned that I’m not wrong”

“I was born in withdrawals. When I was three days old, my mom left me to find alcohol. She came back two days later to pick me up.”

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“I grew up in Vejle with my mom and stepdad. When I was three years old, some reports were filed and I was moved to an orphanage for a short while. Once I was four, I noticed that mom was different. She was always mad. It was important to leave her alone when she was going through withdrawals.”

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“Mom’s substance abuse got worse. It wasn’t just alcohol anymore. There were some men she was close with who gave her money for booze. They had drugs that she wanted to get her hands on. Mom found out that my body was useful for something other than being her daughter. When I was nine, men started coming to visit. They were my mom’s friends.”

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“One morning when I was 12, my case worker and two police officers came to the door and said they were taking me away. My mom was sent straight to rehab. When I was with my foster family, I realized that not everyone in the world is like my mom. Mom always said that bathing was expensive. I got to try it myself with my foster family. I had never known what it was like to take a lunch with me to school, either.”

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“When I was with my foster family, I realized that not everyone in the world is like my mom.”

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“Mom had always taught me that if she lost me, she would take her own life.I was the most important thing in her life, she said.”

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“A year later, she was allowed custody of me again. She pretended that she didn’t drink, but I knew she was drinking without the government knowing about it. Again, the school filed a report because I was underweight and I wasn’t thriving. The local government granted me two years of boarding school. That was fantastic. I had excuses to go places with my friends instead of going back home to my mom.”

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“My mom’s friends were still visiting me. That didn’t stop until I was 16 or so. I yelled at them to stop. I got angry at my mom. But it took a lot of years before I understood that they were the ones with a problem, not me.”

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“When I turned 20, my mom developed a rapidly spreading cancer in her throat and kidneys. When she died, it was as if I had lost myself. When people asked what I thought, I didn’t know what to say. It was like going back to my childhood. I slept with a teddy bear and stayed inside.”

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“Half a year later, I found out that I was pregnant. I had a little girl. Everyone was talking about happiness and how I’d be crying as my child came into the world. I was really afraid of that part of my life. I had a hard time relating to my daughter and understanding she was mine. I knew everything you weren’t supposed to do as a mother. But I didn’t know what you were supposed to do. I didn’t know how to sit down and be with her.”

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“In 2012, my boyfriend and I decided to part ways, and I moved out with my daughter. I had never been without my boyfriend or my mom. I had no idea what would happen. Being in an apartment with a tiny little two-year-old girl was totally new to me. I became more and more upset. That’s when I realized that I needed to get help.”

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“I knew everything you weren’t supposed to do as a mother. But I didn’t know what you were supposed to do.”

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“I went to TUBA in Kolding and got a psychologist. I went there for two years, with a break in the middle. That made a huge difference. The experience I had and the treatment I got at TUBA were the best. I learned that I wasn’t wrong. What was wrong was what they had done to me. I accepted that I have some trauma today. That I’m not like others.”

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“Occasionally, I’m afraid of failing as a parent. If there’s going to be a trip to the forest, I’ll decide I need to bake 117 different kinds of rolls. But it’s not about being perfect. It’s about enjoying the company of others.”

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“I’m trained as a social and health worker. I’m going to start mentor training soon. I have 20 years of ‘training’ growing up in a family with massive substance abuse problems. I want to put it to use. I know how important it is to use it. I’m going to tell other young people about my life. There’s a need for that. We feel so wrong.”

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“At an early age, my grandfather told me, ‘Promise me you won’t ever end up like your mom. Imagine your life is a railway: once you start the train going in one direction, you can’t turn it around. That one is full of anxiety, alcohol, addiction, . . . The other direction is difficult. It goes uphill, and it’s a struggle every day. But it’s well worth the struggle.”