Tommi: “I used to put myself in stupid situations”

“I’m 27 years old. I was born on Funen, but I grew up in Jutland. My dad was an independent painter and big-time alcoholic. When I was five, we got a letter in the mail where he renounced custody of me. He missed seeing me after that. So I would visit him for one weekend every month.”

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“When I would go to visit him, there were times where I stood waiting with my suitcase for two hours, only for him to not show up. Somewhere or another, he had gotten plastered and forgotten about me.”

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“One day, we were going to put together a bunk bed. He was so drunk and lifeless that he couldn’t line the screwdriver up with a screw.”

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“When he picked me up, we stopped at a gas station. I got a soda, and he got a six-pack of beer. Then, we drove to the nearest beach. He drank beer while I waded in the water. After that, we went home, where he drank some more. He was snoring by 7 P.M. It felt to me like drinking was more important to him than spending time with me. I didn’t feel especially important.”

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“There was one time when I went to visit my dad, on a Friday. We were going to put together a bunk bed. He was so drunk and lifeless that he couldn’t line the screwdriver up with a screw. ‘You know, it isn’t the screwdriver’s fault that you’ve had too many beers,’ I said.He hit me in the head twice. I grabbed the phone and called my mom. She came to pick me up.”

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“I started to react angrily and aggressively. I got in fights. I’ve always been a pretty fiery, energetic person, but that incident set something off. I was practically on a first-name basis with the school principal. I had gotten onto a certain path that was hard to get back off of. I had no idea what kinds of things go on in a 13- or 14-year-old boy’s head. I wasn’t doing well. I had bad role models and habits in my friendships and close relationships. I had some strange values in life. I didn’t know where I stood, why, or why not. I put myself in a lot of stupid situations.”

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“A friend told me that he had been going to TUBA. ‘I got so much out of it already,’ he said. He recommended calling them. So that’s what I did. A couple of trips down to Svanninge later, I was signed up for group sessions. TUBA has given me the tools I need to change my outlook on life and deal with some of my trauma. I made peace with my feelings of loneliness. I’ve discovered that I’m really not alone, hell no.”

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“There’s a whole ocean out there of kids who don’t understand what they’re growing up in. They don’t discover it until they’re adults. Up there in your head, there are some things that don’t work right, that you yourself can’t understand. You develop a certain kind of attention. You grow antennas.”

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“Being a youth-to-youth ambassador is something I just have to do. I WANT to help spread this message.”